Thoughts after the Tea Party: May 7, 2008
After this wonderful visit with Mom, I spent a lot of time thinking how different from last October this day was. (For a bit of perspective, go back and read the email message I sent out on October 18, if you still have it.)
Visiting Dad and Mom last fall was like stepping into an ongoing nightmare. It was stressful, exhausting, and frightening to see how Dad and Dave were being worn down.
"I want Mom to be in a place where there are people who are trained and experienced, whose purpose is to make sure she gets fed and bathed and clothed, gets attention, interaction and activities consistently throughout the day, every day. I want her to be in a place where her health, hygiene and safety is being taken care of, so that when I go to visit I don't have choose between trying to get her cleaned up and having an enjoyable conversation with her ... so that when I visit her, I can focus on helping her enjoy the time, to feel loved and valued, to feel reassured, and to help her hold back the nightmare of confusion for a few minutes."
"I think it would be worth a hell of lot to pay others, who can do it better, to take care of Mom's basic needs, so we can spend our time being a supportive and loving family for her."
Now, I am grateful to know that Mom is clean and healthy, and feels safe, and to see how Mom responds to the thoughtful and caring staff at Baywinde, and to having daily social interaction.
I am so grateful that I can now enjoy visiting Mom, and that I can enjoy actually spending time with Dad.
Mom's care at Baywinde costs a lot of money, and it is only Dad's ability and willingness to pay that makes wonderful experiences like this tea party possible. I will cherish my memories of this afternoon tea long after Mom is gone. I can think of no better way to spend my inheritance: there is no amount of money that could be worth more than these memories.
Thank you, Dad. There is nothing you could give that I would value more.
I love you.